Slaying Sacred Cows

The New Normal, Part One - Introduction

2011-11-04T12:48:00.002-04:00

Who invented the idea of normal anyway? The concept of being "normal" has given me cause for pause over the last several weeks. The all knowing Mr. Webster defines normal as: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle; conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern. This assumes that there is such a thing with humans as a "norm, rule, or principle". For example, a child growing up in a middle class suburb of Omaha, NE has a different normal than a child growing up in Red Hook section of Brooklyn, NY. I use this specific example because as I child I experienced neither of these locales.

Therefore, this series is an exposition on a phrase my father uses often, "this is the New Normal"; meaning that during these current economic conditions with job losses, housing debacle, and insane indebtedness, people are having to choose alternatives to "the way things were supposed to be". What we have found is that the New Normal is an individual and family decision. Whether you are an Adam Baker who traveled the world then lived full time in an RV, or perhaps a Tammy Strobel who moved into a tiny house, or a Joshua Gordon living the Non-Conformist Family, the New Normal is whatever you decide it to be.

For our family, we are still in process. Currently we are living as a combined household in a relatively modest home with my parents. We split expenses and help one another in every way we can. Normal says epic fail. The New Normal says this is a throwback when older generations were honored by prominent places with their children. Personally, the wisdom and life experience of my mother and father is a priceless investment to my small sons. My Dad and Mom cannot do the things they once could do and it my joy to honor them by picking up the slack. Many things we have not figured out yet (like earning a full time income; savings can only go so far) but we enjoy our New Normal.

This series of posts will cover combined households, cash-credit-debt, vehicles, downsizing, and various other topics. Please stay tuned as we share the journey with you!

Non-Conformity within Traditional Church

2011-10-17T10:23:00.002-04:00

What style of church is correct? Do we have to choose a style? Is there an alternative that unites and does not divide? Are you unhappy with the culture of your local church? Perhaps this observation will help.

Within the context of a largely traditional Southern Baptist church, I witnessed an outside-the-box, passionate ministry of believers that simply did not follow the "script". No Sunday School quarterlies were passed around. The teacher did not read from the teacher's guide verbatim. The participants of this class were not grouped according to age. No lesson was taught in the traditional sense. What did happen looked surprisingly like the New Testament. A group of believers ages 20-60, united and changed by the power of Christ in the Gospel, were engaging with one another with the goal of growth and edification. Challenges were made to one another about walking daily with Christ. Prayers were prayed spontaneously. New believers were asking lots of questions. Every member ministers were commissioned for service in other areas within the church. These folks loved this traditional church yet were free to express themselves within the context of their small group community.

While many have debated the various models of church culture, I submit that there is room within the free church structure for individual personality among smaller communities inside a church that does not share the same culture. There is room for non-conformity within tradition. There can be liturgy within the contemporary. The danger obviously is faction-isms arising where the differing group wants to separate or at the least be tempted to criticize the others. Perhaps there is a time for a group to move on its own. However, there is no room for critical spirit within the church but rather follow Paul's instructions in Philippians 2, "Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. "

Celebrate our differences of style. Be content even if activity violates your personal choice. Celebrate the church at work in all its diversity. Lock arms with those different from you in order to reach your community for the Gospel.

Contentment is Key

2011-10-15T12:32:00.003-04:00

Are you content?

I sit here on the back deck on a brisk, early afternoon in the North Georgia mountains. My sons, 3 and 6, are riding their trikes and bikes (it's a huge deck) through an obstacle course of patio furniture. We cooked and ate breakfast as a family and now I'm writing as they are playing. I am surrounded by the solitude of trees and rustling leaves. Life is good and I am content.

What is contentment? What is not contentment? Contentment does not expect perfection. There are still many goals and wishes I have yet to accomplish. I am overweight, unemployed, and living with my parents. How can I find contentment in that? Well, I'll tell you. I began a healthy eating regimen. Slowly and consistently I hope to change the habits that resulted in massive weight gain. I now do floor exercises and take a brisk walk each day with my wife. While I am not yet happy with the man in the mirror, I work a plan that will get me smaller and more healthy.

I graduated with a Master's degree this year and have yet to earn a living in this field. We as a family made a decision to combine households with my parents and share expenses. This situation has drawbacks but promises far more positive elements than negative. First of all, my boys get the benefit of wisdom and care from two amazing grandparents. Second, as a combined household in a non-conforming family model (sorry Josh), we can equally divide the household expenses while we downsize our bodies and our excessive possessions. My parents are also getting to the stage in life where they need assistance. It is a pleasure to honor their devotion to me by assisting them in this stage in life. Bottom line is...I am content.

So what exactly is contentment? The Apostle Paul had learned to make the choice to be satisfied with little, and he knew it was important for others to learn to make that same choice. In 1 Timothy 6:6 Paul exhorted a young pastor with these words: "Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content." Paul understood that covetousness and contentment are mutually exclusive.

I would encourage you this day to be content. Have goals and work your plan of action for life changes should you need them. But in all things as you carry out your daily lives, be content.

Turning Trials into Triumph

2011-10-08T21:02:00.004-04:00

Pastor Tom Nelson of Denton Bible Church once told this story. A minister working with The Navigators organization had a son who did not know Christ. For years, this minister and his family prayed fervently for this wayward son for God to save him unto Himself. Finally after many years of fervent prayer, this son surrendered his life to God through Christ Jesus. The family was overjoyed with thanksgiving to God and the many years they would have together serving Him. A short time later, this son was killed in an automobile accident while driving to work. Crushed, this Navigator Minister found himself crying out to God in his pain saying, "God I take better care of Your children than You do of mine." What would you say to this man?

Or perhaps we should consider Job. This was a man who was pleasing to God so much so that God offers him as a sacrifice in a divine wager between He and Satan. Job has no knowledge and is instantly hit with tragedy without cause. Would our counsel be different than that of Job's so called friends? When Job finally asks why, God simply says that there is an order and purpose to how and why I govern the affairs of men...it is God's to know, not Job's to know.

Thankfully God has given more instruction to us through His word than Job was able to see. James 1:2-8 offers us four keys to turning trials into triumph.

First, we are to count it all joy WHEN not IF trials arrive in our lives. In other words, once we find ourselves in a difficult situation, the proper response is to immediately thank God and adopt an attitude of joy. These trials may be natural including sickness, death, disappoints, and accidents. Some of these trials may simply come because we have chosen to life our lives as Christians. Regardless the nature of the trial, God says to count it all joy when this happens. How is this done? Being joyful amidst suffering a trial is not the natural reaction.

Second, we are to know that the purpose of the trial is to produce patience in us. The right knowledge concerning the value of trials makes it possible to have a joyful attitude. Specifically, faith tested produces patience. This patience is not merely passive acceptance of circumstances. Patience denotes the ability to maintain steadfastness and consistency amidst formidable opposition. In order to truly benefit from trials, we must move to step three.

Third, to truly turn trials into triumphs, we must allow patience to do its work. Too often, we want trials and difficulties to be over quickly. However, the proper response would be to patiently bear up under the trial without grumbling and complaining and seeking to do good even during the trial. A trial does not give the Christian an excuse to cease serving the Kingdom of God. When patience is given space to work, the result is maturity. The truly mature Christian is one who has suffered many trials. A.W. Tozer once said, "It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply." The question remains, how do we know when and how to let patience have it's work? This brings us to the final key in turning trials into triumphs.

Finally, ask God for wisdom. Letting patience have its perfect work is not easy. It certainly requires wisdom which enables us to see the value of our trials. Wisdom therefore, enable us to live out practically the other keys in turning trials into triumph. Because wisdom is from God, we must pray believing and not doubting that God will supply wisdom if we ask. In fact James gives a harsh indictment of those who will ask God for wisdom but not truly believe that He will supply. We should be careful to distinguish "wisdom" from "knowledge". Knowledge involves information, facts, etc. Wisdom is the ability or insight to properly use those facts in the most expeditious way.

So here is the key to turning trials into triumph: having the knowledge and perspective that adversity can accomplish much good; letting the patient enduring of adversity accomplish its work; all the while using the wisdom God gives in answer to prayer to help put it all together. When this is done, even trials can be a source of joy for the Christian!

Another day passed without my son - Rise Above the Noise Review

2011-03-03T09:50:00.007-05:00

Another day passed without my son. I kissed his sleeping head as I bolted off to class and then work. Coming home at 11pm, once again I kissed his head through prayerful tears. Two year old Nathan will not remember that his Daddy didn't exist for an entire day. I will remember.

I will be the first to admit deficiencies in my relationship with Christ and as a churchman. I seek to serve Christ and others according to the Gospel. However, life demands so much because of the noise level around me. I allow the noise to overtake me. I allow the demands to overshadow the crucial. I need a change.

Mike Donghia has offered many solutions in removing the shackles of noise domination. Rise Above the Noise proposes a refreshing res bit to the drowning sea of noise permeating our culture.

When I first began following Mike on Twitter and reading his blog, I quickly realized that Mike is authentic. He has a genuine passion to love people well. That is why he has committed his initial sales of Rise Above the Noise to an international non-profit organization - Hope International. Any man with love for the world on his heart grabs my attention; Jesus had this very same passion (Matt. 28:19-20).

Regarding content, Mike describes what the noise is, how to ferret out ways the noise takes control of lives, and suggestions to remedy the problem. Also, he wisely solicits the advice of noted minimalist, Tammy Strobel, to further authenticate his message. I loved this book because of the author and his commitment to live simply.

As with almost any book, I raised a few questions not for Mike but for the minimalist community at large. First, there is an insipid hedonism attached to self-focused minimalism. The minimalist mantra is live simply and without encumbrances (good) so that you can do whatever you want and be accountable to no one (bad). I pursue minimalism for the purposes of service to others (following Mike's example with Hope International). The less I have, the more I am released to be an instrument for redemption and change in the lives of others. Second, minimalism is mostly a pursuit of the youth. I have yet to see quality adaptations of true debt-free, service oriented, self-less minimalism for the family of four. Finally, I question the spirit of combativeness among minimalists in reacting to those who do not agree with them. If anything Rise Above the Noise, should teach us is that we have more time for kindness and less for judgmental-ism.

To Mike and his fine intellect, thank you for an amazing book. So what did I learn? Rising above the noise is a difficult process in which discouragement my ensue. So in that spirit, I offer these lessons:

Every trial is an opportunity to accept the circumstances God has placed me in with a thankful spirit to boot.

Every trial is a chance to "think of yourself with sober judgment" (Rom. 12:3) -- that is, to reassess my personal strengths and weaknesses and to anchor my self-worth in God rather than in my circumstances or accomplishments.

Each of these trials has forced me to confess my pride to God and pray for the Holy Spirit to transform me from the inside out and from the bottom up. In particular, my emotions, especially my negative emotions, cause me sometimes to feel that God is distant. During these periods of doubt and self-pity, I find it helpful to focus on Scriptural promises, remembering that "God works together for good all things" (Rom. 8:28) -- even my stress.

Finally, every trial is an opportunity to learn to pace myself by becoming more pro-active in some areas of life and by slowing down in others. The goal is always a balance between "burnout" and "self-indulgence." I find this balance harder and harder to attain the older I get. The key, of course, is walking in the Spirit -- letting God show me moment by moment and even second by second what is His good, pleasing, and perfect will. It involves paying special attention to chronic fatigue, which is a sure sign of underlying stress. It is a call to exercise common sense by eating properly, getting proper rest and exercise, heeding the advice of friends, becoming aware of mood swings, and releasing past and present emotional hurts to God.

Now I'm off to be a Daddy today...one of God's greatest blessings.

Biblical Counseling in the Church: An Overview

2010-12-08T09:32:00.004-05:00

The following is taken from one of my beloved professors, Dr. Robert Jones at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. As long term pastor, elder, and now professor of biblical counseling, Dr. Jones gives a rationale and appeal for counseling to be returned to the local church.

What is biblical counseling? Let me describe it by unpacking both key terms.

First, biblical counseling is counseling. It is a form of Christian ministry that brings specific portions of God’s truth to specific individuals (or couples or families) in their specific situations to help them know Christ better and handle life in God-pleasing ways. It is conversational – interactive and person-specific in ways that go beyond public preaching or teaching. In this sense, it is simply personal ministry, the ministry by one person to another person. We might also simply call it discipleship; or intensive, remedial discipleship; or problem-oriented discipleship. More broadly, it is nothing short of true biblical friendship, or “intentionally helpful conversations” (David Powlison), as pictured in passages like Proverbs 20:5; 27:5-6; Romans 12:15; 15:14; Galatians 6:1-2; Colossians 3:16; James 5:19-20; and others.

As a process of personal ministry, it shares with secular counseling approaches many basic concerns about relational dynamics, interviewing, listening skills, personal warmth and caring, empathy, confidentiality, etc. But it does not share its limitations of clinical detachment, avoidance of dual relationships, financial burdens, and other “professionalistic” trappings (even when biblical counseling is done by specially trained professionals). While biblical counseling is the task of pastors, it is also the domain of all of God’s people – wise moms, dads, roommates, neighbors, and brothers and sisters in your church.

Second, biblical counseling is biblical. Its truth source is God’s inerrant, inspired Word, and its focus is on that Bible’s main thrust, namely, the Lord Jesus Christ and his life-changing, redeeming work for us and in us. In that sense, biblical counseling is Christian or Christ-centered counseling. In counseling that is truly biblical, the Bible is more than a grid, filter, control, or standard (all passive images); the Bible actively drives both theory and practice. The concepts and methodology are not merely consistent with, controlled by, or “prooftexted” from the Bible; they emerge from the Bible itself as one interprets it accurately. We build our counseling on a biblical view of such key matters as…
• The triune God—Father, Son, and Spirit—and his character, ways, commands, and promises
• People and their problems, including their beliefs and motives as well as their behavior
• How people change, and God’s provisions for such change in the Gospel
• How we as formal and informal counselors help people, and the centrality of the church in the change process
At least four convictions underlie the practice of biblical counseling:
1) We present the Lord Jesus Christ as the crucified, risen Savior who, through his Word and his Spirit, can help us handle our personal and relational problems. Jesus alone provides the forgiving mercy (through his saving death and resurrection), the practical wisdom (in the Bible), and the enabling power (through his Spirit) we need to know and please God in our daily living. Biblical counseling is eminently Christ-centered and Christ-driven, exalting the Christ of the Bible.
2) We use the Bible as our God-given tool to diagnose, explain, and solve our problems. As God's Word, the Bible alone provides true, thorough, authoritative, and sufficient wisdom and direction for every life situation we face, and it is richly superior to all human wisdom and the competing counsel of secular and Christian integrationist psychologies.
3) We reflect the love, concern, and compassion of Jesus our Shepherd and Counselor. Biblical counseling is a caring process of Christlike love for struggling sheep. Qualities like compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience mark our ministry of God’s Word.
4) We address both the inward and outward aspects of our problems to bring thorough and lasting godly change. Biblical counseling is not shallow, superficial, or simplistic. Scripture alone uncovers and solves our heart (beliefs and motives) and behavior (words and actions) struggles.

In one sense, biblical counseling is simply the intentional, consistent, application of historic evangelical Christian truth—the Gospel—to the realm of personal ministry and human problems.